Breaking Point
by Darley1101
Summary: Picks up where Valentine's Day Massacre left off. Lexie reaches her breaking point in the linen closet. This one shot is Lexie-Alex friendship and does not bode well for their romantic relationship.


Title: Breaking Point  
Rating: PG (some language, hints of sexual content)  
Pairing: Mostly Lexie centric. Eludes to both Mark/Lexie and Alex/Lexie  
Premise: Jackson's words finally sink in.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters.  
Author's Note: Not sure if this is any good but it sort of just came out after tonight's episode.

Meaningless sex with a man she wasn't even sure she liked wasn't how Lexie Grey had envisioned spending Valentine's Day. It left her feeling dirty in places that couldn't be scrubbed clean by hot water and soap. A sob formed in her throat as squeezed her eyes shut and tried to imagine herself anywhere but a linen closet letting herself be used by Alex Karev. Each touch of his hand on her body brought her closer to hysteria as the reality of Jackson Avery's words sunk in. Dying her hair, sleeping with Alex, wouldn't make her more noticeable; they only made her look desperate and pathetic.

"Stop," she choked out, her voice sounding strangled. Flattening her palms against his chest Lexie pushed. Another man would have kept going, would have acted like they hadn't heard her plea for things to come to a halt. Deep down, underneath the jerk-ish façade Alex was a decent guy. There was no hesitation. No pretending he hadn't heard her. He stopped. If she could have found it in her heart to care about him, to even like him, that moment would have done it. She felt nothing for him though, just relief that he listened. "I can't. I thought I could but I can't."

Tears stung her eyes as she bent to retrieve her discarded scrubs and under garments. Mechanically she put them on, hating that she had let things get far enough for them to come off. Thank God she had come to senses before they made another mistake.

"You okay?" Alex asked, his voice and face colored with confusion. She nodded, shook her head, nodded again, and finally released the sob. "Shit. I don't do well with tears, okay? I'm not…I'm not that guy."

"I know!" Lexie blubbered, sliding to the floor once she was fully dressed. Her gaze focused on the dry skin accumulating between her fingers as she listened to him pulling his clothes on. Unlike her he had been wise enough to use one of the rough surgical towels to clean up. "And I'm sorry. I don't mean to cry…I don't want to cry…I just…I messed up, Alex. I really, really messed up and it's sort of just now hitting me."

"You messed up?" Shock tinged his question as he settled next to her on the floor. She nodded, a lock of golden hair falling across her cheek. It looked like someone else's hair. Izzie's, a hateful voice taunted in the back of her mind. You stole Izzie's husband and hair. It was a ridiculous thought. She hadn't stolen Alex, he had come to her willingly after Izzie left him. And she certainly hadn't been thinking about looking like Izzie when she dyed her hair. The guilt was catching up to her. Another reminder that she wasn't cut out for sleeping around, especially not with married men.

"Yeah. I messed up. I should have been more supportive. When Mark started taking care of Sloan I should have backed him up. Instead I ran. I got scared. I flipped out and I ran. Okay, maybe not literally ran, which probably would have been better because then I wouldn't have to look at him every day…you're lucky you know? Izzie isn't here. You don't have to face her every time you turn around and you don't have to see that look…that horrible 'you hurt me' look…in her eyes." They were wrong, the words falling out of her mouth, but she couldn't stop them. It was as though the filter between her tongue and mind had some how become dislodged and everything was allowed to pass. "I shouldn't have talked to you. I should have just gone after Mark, told him I was sorry and that we would work through it. I could be a grandma. I would have made a great grandma. They're sort of like aunts. They get to spoil the baby without having to be responsible for them. It's the perfect way to enjoy kids. God, I was so, so stupid!"

"I told her to leave," Alex whispered, his fingers plucking at the hem of his scrub pants. "I was done, you know? I deserve more than a wife that can't handle the rough patches."

Lexie nodded her agreement. "Nobody deserves to be left." Except she had left Mark. When he needed her to be there, to support him, she had tucked her tail between her legs and ran. It hadn't had anything to do with him; it had been her and her own insecurities. Again the hateful voice in her head reminded her of Izzie. "Sometimes though a person is left with no other choice," she said softly. "Sometimes everything piles up to the point that you have no other option but to run."

"There is always another option!" Alex snapped.

"No." She shook her head. "I talk a good talk about being a grandma but the truth is that isn't me. I'm not cut out for it. Believe it or not, I don't really want kids. I think they're nice. I like them well enough. I just don't want them in my life…at least not in a permanent sort of way."

"Don't you have a niece?"

Ah yes. Her niece. The toddler she very seldom got to see. She was fine with that. Whenever she got the urge to pinch cheeks or play pat a cake she went to Molly's house. "Yeah but that isn't the same. I don't have to keep her. I'm not responsible for her. And Mark wanted us to be responsible for Sloan's baby. I couldn't do that."

"So you didn't really mess up then," Alex pointed out.

He was right. No. He was wrong. She had messed up. Not in breaking up with Mark…that had been building from the moment they started…no she had messed up when she turned to Alex. If they had just sat down and talked, much the way they were right then, it would have been fine. They had been stupid though, and they had let hurt feelings and the need to punish take control. Where had it gotten them? A wasted Valentine's Day, and regrets.

"I did," she insisted. "I should have been more grown up about it. Stupid college kids hop into bed with people they don't care about when they break up, not doctors. We're adults Alex. We're adults who are suppose to be smarter than most people. Except we're not. We're stupid. You and I…we are extremely stupid."

"If you want to knock your I.Q. down a few points go right ahead but leave me out of it," he protested. His heart wasn't in it, she could tell. There was defeat in his voice. It had gotten to him to, the mistake they had made.

"What did you say to her?" Lexie asked. "When you told Izzie to leave," she prompted when she seen the confusion on his face. "What did you say to Izzie when you told her to leave?"

He let out a sigh and leaned his head back against the wall. "I told her that I wanted her to be happy and to never come back."

"You get that she isn't going to be happy right?" Men were so dense. First Mark in thinking they had a future and Alex for thinking Izzie could be happy without him. Of course she could also say she was dense for thinking she could make herself be what Mark needed and Izzie for running off when things got tough. Hell, the whole world was dense!

"She'll be happy," Alex argued.

Lexie shook her head again. "No she won't. She loves you Alex. Didn't you say that she forgave you for sleeping with me the first time? A woman who does that…she can't be happy by herself."

"So she'll meet someone else." He jumped to his feet, poised for flight. She scrambled up and blocked the door. "Move Lexie. Move or put out."

"Wow. Look at you. Mr. Jackass. Please. Try that on someone who doesn't know you." Rolling her eyes she crossed her arms over her chest. It was too bad they had slept together, they could have been great friends. "You know you might be right. Izzie will meet someone else. And that someone will kiss her, make love to her, and make her smile." His body seemed to freeze and something undefined clouded his eyes. The thought of his wife with someone else made him sick. "You don't really want her to be happy with someone else, do you?"

"It doesn't really matter what I want does it? I told her I was done, that I wanted her gone." Alex bit out, his jaw tensing and relaxing.

"Yeah, but you didn't mean it." Lexie insisted. "I can't fix what went wrong with Mark and me, but you can fix things with Izzie. You should fix things with Izzie."

"It isn't that easy. I can't just call her up and tell her I'm sorry."

Raising one brow, Lexie stared at him. "Really? You can't? Or you won't? Do you know what I learned earlier, Alex? I learned that if I wanted to be seen, if I wanted to be heard, I couldn't wait for people to see or hear me, I had to make them take notice. I had to make them listen. Make her listen. Make her notice you. If you don't, you're going to regret it. Maybe not right now but eventually you're going to look back and you're going to think, 'man I really fucked up.' You don't want that. Trust me. I've seen what that does to a man. So have you. Don't be like our dads Alex. Don't let your fear of rejection…and I seriously doubt you're going to be rejected…stop you from making what could be the most important phone call of your life!"

He stared at her for a moment before motioning her to move. Reluctantly she did so. There was nothing more for them to say to the other. She stepped aside, letting him go out first. Thankfully no one was around to see their exit of shame. Even more thankfully they had stopped before there was anything to be ashamed of. "Don't forget to call her," Lexie whispered fiercely as they neared the nurses station.

Alex halted halfway there, his body visibly trembling. His gaze was trained on the small group of people outside the elevator. It only took a second for Lexie to realize the group consisted of Derek, Meredith and…Izzie. A sad smile tipped the corners of her lips as she watched Alex stride toward his wife. Maybe, just maybe, one of them would have the sort of night Valentine's Day was known for.

"Your hair's sort of messy," Jackson Avery teased, startling her. He let out a laugh as she clasped a hand over her pounding heart. "Chill goldilocks, this bear isn't going to gobble you up."

"Bear? More like teddy bear," she teased back, poking him in the ribs with her index finger. "And even if my hair is messy that doesn't mean anything."

"You sure?" She nodded. "In that case, you want to have dinner? You know, so you can show off that new hair."

"That would be nice," Lexie said softly. She hadn't imagined her Valentine's Day with a guy she barely knew but it beat having meaningless sex with a man who was still very much in love with his wife.


End file.
